Here’s Why You Continue To Be A Doormat And What You Can Do To Stand Up For Yourself And Go After What You Really Really Want!

Do you find yourself saying yes when you really really wanted to say no?

Would you like to stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself like the self-respecting person that you are?

How would you like to finally go after what it is you really really want in your life? 

First, how did you get here?

Most people get to the point where they allow themselves to be walked all over by others because they do not believe that they deserve better.  Most people do not set true goals…and/or they procrastinate on their goals and so do not go after what they really really want, because they do not believe that they deserve better.  So, they find themselves feeling ‘yuck’ and hating themselves; feeling stuck in unfulfilling jobs, careers, relationships…they find themselves feeling generally unfulfilled in life and feeling well, yuck and stuck!

This is worth repeating: the reason you remain ‘yuck and stuck’ today; the reason you allow yourself to be a doormat; the reason you refuse to pursue the life you really want is simply this: you do not believe that you deserve better.  Period.


But. I am here to tell you that: You deserve better!

You deserve your heart’s desires.  Not because of what you’ve done or what you’ll do.  Not because of what you’ve achieved or accomplished.  But simply because of who you are: a unique and complex entity, a human being.  It’s your being human that makes you worthy.  You are a human being first.  And you are enough.  Everything else are just optional extras – they do not make your any more or less worthy!


It can be hard to believe…

Simple as this is, it can be very hard to believe.  It is simple, but not necessarily easy.  This is because you may have had repeated and/or significant experiences in your life that suggested to you that you are unworthy.  Undeserving.  And you have adopted these suggestions, these ‘judgements’ as true, and acted accordingly.


Still, change is possible…

You can turn your situation around by unlearning the lies and learning the truth.  Follow the 12 steps below to take you there. These are truths I’ve had to learn for myself in my own journey from ‘yuck and stuck’ to the fabulous freedom I’m enjoying today.  They will work for you too!


  1. Open up to the possibility… and ask yourself, ‘what if I were really worthy?’
  2. Act as if. If you were open to the possibility that you are truly worthy, and that you deserve your heart’s desires, what would you do differently?  How would you act differently in your daily situations?  In your relationships?  In your work?  At play?
  3. Be aware of your thoughts and how you relate with them. Most of your thoughts are unconscious.  When you become aware of your conscious thoughts, you could get entangled in them and end up having them work against you.  What I recommend is a) simply let them come and go.   b) from a position of peace which increased awareness brings, reframe them to get them to work on your behalf rather than against you.
  4. Be aware of your feelings and honour them – feel them, welcome them, embrace them. When you fight your feelings, don’t you feel tired, frustrated, exhausted and well, yuck?  Honour what they are saying to you and cooperate with them as you make decisions and take actions.
  5. Be aware of the judgements that have come into your life – and dispute them! Those labels that you’ve adopted and attached to yourself, when you hear them, don’t just accept them as gospel truth.  Tear them apart and show yourself evidence of why they are not truth.  All you need to do is look objectively and you will see overwhelming evidence to dispute these judgements.
  6. Speak your truths to yourself, always, in different ways and consistently. As you objectively dispute judgements, you will also find your own truths.  Speak them to yourself, out loud in front of the mirror; or record yourself on your smart phone; write in your notepad or your tablet.  Engage all your senses in communicating life affirming truths to yourself.
  7. Celebrate your wins, however small they might seem – what you focus on expands. If you would stop being so hard on yourself, you will find something to celebrate everyday.  And if you think you find nothing, remember, you are enough!  You are worthy of celebration, everyday!
  8. Learn from your mistakes – and move on. Of course, feel the disappointment, sadness, anger or whatever emotions come up for you… but don’t camp out there like forever.  Allow yourself however much time and space you need and then allow yourself to move on… you will know when that is.. and don’t be rude to yourself while all of that is going on. No name calling please!
  9. Treat yourself with tender loving compassion.   You are worthy of love, affection and respect.  Simply because you are a human being.  You don’t have to do anything to deserve that.  You are a being who already deserves that.  Isn’t that cool?
  10. Invest your time and energy in healing, supportive communities/relationships; get out of toxic ones if you can. If for any reason you can’t immediately extricate yourself, then find ways to keep yourself safe on the inside. Remember Nelson Mandela: he was in prison for over 27 years but he did not allow the prison, the toxin of the prison to get into him.  Therefore, he was able to step into his destiny on his release.
  11. Always remember that more often than not, you do have a choice. Exercise it. If you choose to do nothing about your situation, let it be known to you that you are choosing to do nothing, for doing nothing is a choice also.
  12. Choose daily to accept yourself… all the various parts of you: your light and strengths as well as your weaknesses and shadows. You are enough. You matter.  Just because you are.


So, there we have it.  I have shown how you may have come to be where you are. And I’ve offered you 12 simple steps you can practice to move yourself from your place of ‘yuck and stuck’ to being able to stand up for yourself and pursue what is really really important to you in your life.

If you would like to find out more about how you can practise these steps to get you from ‘yuck and stuck’ to ‘fab and free’, click here to schedule your Fab & Free Session now.

You do not have to continue to be a doormat.

You can stand up for yourself.

And you can go after whatever it is that you really really want!

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