Precisely 5 years ago to the exact month of my business launch, my marriage officially came to an end – after nearly two and a half years of a horrendous separation and divorce process. Alongside the collapse of the marriage where I’d invested the bulk of my adult life, was the shocking disappearance of friends, and most hurtful some personal childhood friends.
As difficult as that was, it signaled the end of my very long tenure in an abusive relationship.
What is sometimes difficult to come to terms with, is how long it took for me to understand the toxicity of my intimate relationship.
[To get the most out of this article Make sure you download the accompanying eBook that dives into some of the fundamentals I use for greater results in my life and how you can too].
You see, if you were physically hit, painful as that would be, at least, even on the first occasion, you know that you have been hit, that you have been assaulted, that you have been hurt by somebody who’s professing to love you to the moon and back. (People have lost lives and limbs from physical assaults from loved ones – and before a person is hit, they would ALWAYS have been verbally and emotionally assaulted first).
For me, having no physical evidence as such, having to deal with the increasing internal confusion and commotion within me, the gradual and subsequent surrender of my voice and the increasing revulsion I felt for myself… all translated into me feeling “yuck and stuck”. Stranded, spinning my wheels. Going nowhere other than further into the hole. This was my version of ‘yuck and stuck’. This was my reality. And it wasn’t serving me in any way.
What is your version of ‘yuck and stuck’?
What is keeping you tethered to the maze in your mind? Stranded? Lost? Spinning your wheels?
Is your current reality serving you? If it isn’t … and if you want a reality that will serve you, then you need to:
1. Defy your current reality.
2. Create a new one.
That’s exactly what I did!
1. By getting an understanding of my situation
2. By recognising that I had a choice
3. By choosing to walk in courage. Every single day.
So, here’s what I did…
I took a fly on the wall position and observed my relationship dispassionately. I got an understanding. I got clarity. Then I chose to challenge what I was experiencing: I refused to accept being called names. I refused to accept the excuses for the bad behavior towards me. I demanded that I be treated with dignity and respect.
My hope was that by standing up for myself, my marriage would become the healthier for it. However, this was not to be. Instead, it got worse. The intensity and frequency of the verbal and emotional assaults increased greatly.
After a season of intense agony, I decided that I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life waiting for somebody else to wake up and recognize that I was worthy of dignity and respect…So, I called time on the marriage. It was an act of courage – even if I say so myself!
Five years ago when my decree absolute (final order officially ending a marriage) came through, the work of healing began in earnest. And a key part of that was me actively creating the reality that I wanted, that would serve me. This involved…
1. Getting clear in my mind what it was that I wanted for myself and going after it
2. Knowing that I am worthy of better… no matter what anyone else said or did
3. Choosing to be brave even when change was uncomfortable
This is what I did next: I developed a mindset that said: “I can and I will, if I want to”.
There were a few other steps I took but none more so powerful than when it came to launching my business as I made it something I would cherish and remember forever.
Scary, but I did It anyway…
Soft cushions. Firm comfy chairs. Tastily placed mirrored walls expanding the space. An exquisite fireplace and soft lights: the library of the Crowne Plaza – London Kensington was the first port of call for how my guests would be greeted.
Stimulating music flowing from the bar and a delicate aroma infusing the atmosphere. The ambience… Even now, looking back on it, I still hear the vibrance, the chattering of my guests.
I still notice the reservation of some and the exuberance of others… the bustling and brilliance of support staff… On this wet and cold Tuesday evening in London Kensington, all of this buzz… everyone in this place, at this point in time, are here in whatever capacity, because of me… to celebrate with me on the launch of my transformation mindset coaching business.
The tears pop to my eyes again just thinking about it.
You can too. If you want to.
During my launch party, I shared about how you truly deserve your desires…and how you can grow confident in knowing that you deserve better. For insights into this teaching, download my free eBook here. It will break down some of these important points further.
My launch party was a business decision. Yet, the impact it has had on my personal life has been phenomenal. Confirming to me once again that the separation of your professional and personal life is artificial – life is life. But that is a subject for another article.
For now, I continue to relish my re-discovered sense of self, direction, purpose and significance. I am indulging in my fabulous freedom. And I’m grateful for the opportunities to help my clients gain clarity, to walk in courage and reclaim their choice as they create the realities that they desire. And I’m grateful for every opportunity I get to teach and train about these life changing fundamentals.
Would you like to defy your current reality and begin to create a new one? Do you want to go from feeling ‘yuck and stuck’ to feeling ‘Fab & Free’?
If you do, I would love to help you discover the way forward. To do this simply book in a Fab & Free Call where we identify what’s holding you back and the steps to break free.
Begin your journey to fabulous freedom today, and enjoy the exhilaration of the ride!
Here’s what to Do Next:
1. Download the bonus eBook
2. Leave a comment below and let me know what you got out of this article or if there’s anything I didn’t cover that you need help with.
3. What methods or tactics do you use to live Fab & Free? Always love to connect and hear your thoughts!